Friday, June 14, 2013

Surgery Sidestep Sideshow

My brother was set to have surgery for a hernia a few days ago. Only, get this: no hernia! Docs today, man, modern magicians.

Apparently his pain was due to adhesions (painful sticky tissue situations that are bad I don't understand medicine unless it's been shouted by Doctor Cox on a marathon Scrubs binge God I miss him). So the next day, he was blearily lounging around in the same loose khaki shorts, vintage tee and SEXY compression socks he was wearing when he returned from 'ospital. It was pretty inspired.

Mom was in nursing. This makes her great to have around in times of distress. It can also lead to uncomfortable situations. The poor patient would disappear into the bathroom for an hour, or anything over five minutes, and gets this line of questioning:

"Are you ok?!?!?!?! Have you 'gone' yet? Anesthesia freezes your bowels! We'll give you a stool softener if you don't 'go' today!"

To which the pale invalid stumbles in and sweatily gives the standard "insert noun here" joke reply we use nearly every day, which in this case turned out to be "YOU'RE a stool softener".

I laughed for about twenty seconds. It was almost like a dying pig squeal. Not that I'd know. But it wasn't a normal human mouth noise, I'm pretty sure.

But then I started thinking.

It was painful.

But if you think about it (ow, I know, sorry), that's a great compliment.


The bowels were once considered the seat of emotions - even passions. I mean, I have a pretty passionate set myself, but I assume that for most people this phrase has gone out of style a bit.

Like parachute pants. Or compression socks.

I digress. (Again. Forever. Always).

BUT if the bowels were the seat of emotion, telling someone they were what 'gets them moving', as it were...that's so unbearably sweet.

Pain medication, making men all sappy in the Biblical sense, since 2013.



Mostly awwwwwwwwwww, though, I'm pretty sure.

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