Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Afraid to create

Do you ever get there? Fear of a blank page. Feel like an idiot for picking up a pencil or brush. I bought a small, lightweight sketchbook to encourage myself to draw again - something I can have with me at all times. But I find myself leaving it in my bag on breaks or at the end of the day.

When I was young, I'd copy illustrations over and over. Amano pieces from game guides, Naoko's characters from Sailor Moon. When I was gifted eyeshadow palettes, I'd turn them into watercolor paints. If my friends took too long when we went out to eat, I'd make lipstick drawings on paper placemats. I'd draw on friends legs at band practice, on the margins of my notes, on binders, on pencil holders...everywhere.

In college, I didn't know many people. The ten minutes between class and work study would be filled with music in my headphones and pages upon pages of poems that would spill out of me.

I wish I had that feeling more often, not only the joy of creation - but a total compulsion. I need to get that back. Do you ever get that way, a little lost?

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