Sad Sack Cooking Show #2: BBQ Turkey Kielbasa and Buttered Potatoes

Hello again, friends and strangers and strangers-soon-to-be-friends and Mom, and welcome to the second Sad Sack cooking show. Sigh.

"Tonight's meal for 200, Alex!"
"What do you create when you're a) nearly broke b) cold c) lonely d) out of hope that your thighs will ever look the way they once did?"
"What is THIS RECIPE, Alex?"
"Correct! And stop calling me Alex!"

You will need:
+ I package Turkey Kielbasa (I'm using Aldi's brand)
+ BBQ sauce (roughly a cup, but I like it saucaaay. Sweet Baby Ray's)
+ Four to five good sized potatoes
+ Margarine or butter
+ Spices, to taste (ex. salt, pepper, onion and garlic powder, red pepper flakes)
+ Some veggie side to keep your insides from crying and make it look like you're not about to eat your weight in potatoes
+ Whatever shreds of motivation you have left in you for the day
(If you're out of motivation, grab a Pop Tart and crawl into bed. I won't judge)

Yummy?

Gather your ingredients, and remove the packaging from the kielbasa. Don't think about what it looks like. Or what's in it. Or how your insides will probably look like what's in it, when all is said and done. Maybe you should skip this whole thing and eat tofu instead. Press on.

Do they remind anyone else of toes? No? Good!

Chop your kielbasa into small pieces. Toss into a pan on roughly medium heat. I sprayed mine with a non-stick olive oil spray. The kielbasa doesn't need to be fried in oil, you're really just warming and searing it - but something very light to keep it from sticking is a good idea.

I got my EYES on YOU, fellas! Get it? No? Ok.

As your kielbasa is starting to cook, put a small pot of water on to boil - just enough to cover your potatoes once chopped. Wash and peel your potatoes. Mmmm, potatoes. Sorry, thighs! You did yoga once this week, so. It'll be ok? Keep an eye on the sausage to make sure it's not sticking or burning or trying to organize a kitchen revolt against your bad food choices. Get back in there, cilantro - nobody asked you!

I mean it, Cilantro. Unless you want to go the way of the 'tato, back in the fridge.

Chop the peeled potatoes into small pieces. Think mashed potato prep. Whisper apologetically to the starchy demons (and your figure) as you hack them to bits. Watch your fingers. Put them in the water once it's boiling or near boiling. You'll want to cook until fork-tender, but it shouldn't be mush. Let's set that timer for 10-12 minutes. Or whatever.

"The Sauce is the Boss", huh? I've been living life all wrong.

Now the kielbasa should be good and warm and a little brown on the edges. Add in your sauce. See how mine says it's the Boss? I don't think so, Ray! I'm the only boss here! TAKING CONTROL!
Ok, fine, you win. I submit to your saucy will. More sauce.

Sticky goodness that definitely won't make you feel bloated later.

Sprinkle in your spices. Make sure it compliments whatever sauce you've chosen. "You're so pretty, Sauce Boss Ray. I bet all the other sauces want to go to the soda fountains with YOU". I added red pepper flakes as my sauce didn't have much heat. Like my love life. Never mind. Give it a toss and let it continue to cook down. You want the sauce to caramelize, but you don't want it to char or boil or burn or try to achieve world domination. Mine tried to run for office. Wily.

I call this one "Wherefore art thou, Paula Deen?"

Once the potatoes are fork-tender, which is a fun culinary phrase and or celebrity child name I have dibs, drain them. Return them to the pan, and turn the heat to simmer (or low, or still-as-hot-as- medium-high-but-marked-low like my ancient demon of a stove. Add in your margarine, salt and pepper. If you have to ask how much margarine, you didn't add enough. Stir gently, you don't want to mash the potatoes. They've been through enough.

The almost balanced peace sign of mediocre mealness.

Now you're ready to plate. Put extra green beans, or extra whatever your veggie of choice to suffer through today is, on your plate to offset the fact that you're going to eat twice as many potatoes as any human ever needs to eat. Enjoy.

Thanks for reading, gang. Mom. Nobody.

What should next week's meal be?

#1: Coconut milk chicken curry
#2: Spicy pork fajitas
#3: Family sized can of Chef Boyardee Ravioli seasoned heavily with tears

Leave your choice in the comments below, or tweet me -@lakiki #sadsackcookingshow

<3 K

Not a Recipe - "Creamed" Spinach with Tomato

Oh, yeah. It's Not-A-Recipe time, guys.

Not-A-Recipe: Kristi takes a "dash of this", a "pinch of that", a heaping spoonful of arrogance, and makes something delicious - without really giving you enough information for an exact replication. FEEL IT, IN YOUR HEART, COOK WITH MEEEEEEEEE.

"Creamed" Spinach with Tomato

Oooooh, yeah.

This is one of our favorite side dishes from the past year. When I first made it, we had had an excess of spinach that I bought for smoothies and couldn't drink fast enough (seriously, if you haven't tried spinach smoothies yet - go do it. They're surprisingly DELICIOUS) so I decided to cook it up. But I didn't want just wilted greens, I was craving something naughty and Italian. So I decided to combine some Italian dish flavors with what was arguably a healthy base ingredient. And then I covered it in cheese.

Wait, come back! Guys, it's still ok! The parmesan and vinegar combine with the wilted vegetables to create what tastes like a filthy, gorgeous cream sauce...without all the creamy calories.

....creeeeammmmyyyy is fun to saaayyyyy.

You will (vaguely) need:

+ Olive Oil (I prefer extra virgin, but you can use light)
+ Spinach (baby or cooking - approximately a bathtub full. Or at least one bag of prewashed)
+ Tomatoes (Roma works best, but whatever you have - one on the vine pictured above)
+ Parmesan Cheese (from the off-brand shaker, like the Italians pretend they don't use - *ducks a rolling pin*)
+ Apple Cider Vinegar (TRUST ME, it's magic, tastes better than plain white in this)
+ Salt, to taste (All of it's to taste, since I'm too lazy to measure, but it just sounds fancy to say that!)

Put a little swirl of oil in your skillet, and put it on medium to medium-high. Toss in as much spinach as your pan will allow, and chop up a tomato while it starts to sizzle and cook down. If you're using roma tomatoes, give two to three a rough chop and toss them in. One large hothouse tomato should do the trick, otherwise.

As the spinach is cooking, add a dash of salt. Feel like Julia Child. Add a healthy sprinkling of parmesan, and then about two cap fulls of apple cider vinegar. Wonder how to accurately spell cap full in such a manner, as the internet seems divided. Digress. Keep stirring, and adding more parmesan bit by bit until it cooks down to a creamy consistency. 

The spinach will cook down like crazy, so be prepared to add more as you go. I usually a) get very excited at how delicious it's beginning to look, b) become depressed that there's so little creamed spinach as it cooks down and finally c) add more spinach, salt, and parmesan. 

The romas will cook down and make the "sauce" a bit pink, and the vinegar helps break everything down into a delicious mess. I use quite a bit of parmesan, so if you're more in the mood for plain greens feel free to not add extra with the additional handfuls of greens.

At the end, it should look close to this:

 And there's never ANY leftover, no matter how much you make. It's like MAGIC!

Here it is, with a chicken "burger" patty and cottage cheese. Not too shabby for a light, healthy dinner!

If you try it out, let me know and tell me what you think!